Mistakes
Mistakes are often made. Either unknowingly or intentionally, we try to understand why we did what we did. I have a past that not many know of. It’s hard to move on knowing we deeply hurt the ones we used to be close to. I guess living by the moment, confidently thinking nobody would find out, living in denial was just too good a feeling to have to stop.
Some kind and caring souls, who could see right through us, would always remind us what we’re doing is wrong and the need for repentance. Why didn’t I listen? Why didn’t I learn? Now I wished I listened, and not even started. To lie or to deceive, is one thing, but to hurt and doing it on purpose for own self interest is both cruel and unforgivable.
2006-2007 was a 2 year period that I wish I was never the person I was. How childish and inconsiderate was I? How ungrateful and selfish was I? How stupid and such a bastard was I? Nothing can change the past, but only to look towards a cleaner and fruitful future. I fell, and now I need to pick myself up and associate myself with all things which are good and have a line drawn. I wish there was a line or 2 that never crossed, but it has. It’s been more than a year since I’ve been repenting, living a cleaner life, a life of morals and ethics. But you would never believe I’m capable of such change. You can’t help it, as I’ve cut you so deep, as you’re still bleeding till now, because of me.
No amount of heart felt apologies can undo the wrongs, and we all know that no two rights can correct one wrong. I’m sorry to you my once friend. To have done the mistakes I have, and to cause you so much pain and disappointment. Years down the line, you would still be as sore and hateful towards me. And you are right, I have hurt so badly. It has affected you for all this while, and it’s all because of me. To think that I’m capable of such actions and even thought, it worries me that I have turned into something I once hated so much. I can’t understand why and how it happened, but it did.
You were kind, warm, gentle and a good friend. You never failed to help when I was in need. You trusted me, and you believed me. You were always the better friend than I could ever be to anyone else. You cared and you always know what was best. You are much more of a man than I can ever be. I’m sorry.
Some kind and caring souls, who could see right through us, would always remind us what we’re doing is wrong and the need for repentance. Why didn’t I listen? Why didn’t I learn? Now I wished I listened, and not even started. To lie or to deceive, is one thing, but to hurt and doing it on purpose for own self interest is both cruel and unforgivable.
2006-2007 was a 2 year period that I wish I was never the person I was. How childish and inconsiderate was I? How ungrateful and selfish was I? How stupid and such a bastard was I? Nothing can change the past, but only to look towards a cleaner and fruitful future. I fell, and now I need to pick myself up and associate myself with all things which are good and have a line drawn. I wish there was a line or 2 that never crossed, but it has. It’s been more than a year since I’ve been repenting, living a cleaner life, a life of morals and ethics. But you would never believe I’m capable of such change. You can’t help it, as I’ve cut you so deep, as you’re still bleeding till now, because of me.
No amount of heart felt apologies can undo the wrongs, and we all know that no two rights can correct one wrong. I’m sorry to you my once friend. To have done the mistakes I have, and to cause you so much pain and disappointment. Years down the line, you would still be as sore and hateful towards me. And you are right, I have hurt so badly. It has affected you for all this while, and it’s all because of me. To think that I’m capable of such actions and even thought, it worries me that I have turned into something I once hated so much. I can’t understand why and how it happened, but it did.
You were kind, warm, gentle and a good friend. You never failed to help when I was in need. You trusted me, and you believed me. You were always the better friend than I could ever be to anyone else. You cared and you always know what was best. You are much more of a man than I can ever be. I’m sorry.
posted by John @ 1:13 PM
3 Comments:
Sometimes, we wish we could turn back time and give a hard slap to the 'me' that time. Whatever it is, I hope you make peace with yourself and the other person someday. We can't turn back time but we can still 'rephrase' who we are. Good luck JP ;)
We've all had skeletons in our closet.However,carrying the emotions and the weight of its memories is only going to weigh you down.
The important thing here is that you've stepped away and snapped out of it.
You've also promised yourself that you won't walk those paths ever again.That on its own has made you a better person.
You are right, no 2 wrongs can make a right.But,let's pray and hope that this person can one day put that episode behind as well.
But yes,make peace with yourself first.I'm sure you can do that JP.You're capable of that, and much greater humane acts :-)
You're not a bad person you know !
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